Personally speaking..

Work for me is personal!! I give 3/4th of my day to work, beginning from getting up in the morning, preparing lunch, fighting the morning traffic to get to the office at 9.00am sharp. I slog throughout the day, tolerate my boss, bear chauvinism, survive politics, smile at people I dislike and ignore lewd stares and comments...

Once home (virtually after 10-11 hours at office), my preparation for the next day begins from buying vegetables/grocery on my way home to cooking as soon as I get back so that I can call it a night early on. I hardly go out with friends on weekdays and even get nightmares about things going wrong at work.

I feel helpless seeing a vendor in a bad shape and being rude when I ignore these zillion phone calls for I don’t have answers to the questions like when they can receive the next order so that they can re-open their factories. I get traumatized by their problems, carry work tensions into my personal life.. My day at work usually dictates the way I talk to my parents, siblings and friends and yet I am asked to believe in the phrase : “Its not personal, its business!!”

Can I??

Sigh..

It began with the evening day before. I was in the office till about 8:40 pm when the meeting got over and I was asked to display my shoeline before leaving. My presentation was to take place the next day but being a little too tired, I left the arrangement mid way and headed for home. That particular day had turned out to be a bit grueling, thanks to my colleague throwing attitude for no apparent reason.

Next day was doomsday, the meeting began at 8:45 am as decided and obviously I reached late at about 9:10am due to the heavy traffic. My boss was fuming and I got a blasting before eight senior people, which needless to say was extremely embarrassing. I then goofed it up even further by forgetting all the sales figures am supposed to remember and things got from bad to worse. All the efforts that I’d been putting in all this while and the evident results had all been overlooked. I don’t know how I controlled myself from running out of the conference room at that moment. Icing on the cake was being invited (rather ordered) for the lunch and then being totally ripped apart.

The situation is still pretty grim: my colleague is in his prolonged state of insanity, my super boss believes that I am apparently not serious about my work and the top sales team assumes that am a fool for I forgot everything..

When will things get better??

Looking up..

I just happened to visit Mansi's blog and was truly inspired by her words.

Her blog forced me to think in a direction long forgotten by me and stirred something within that I thought didn't exist, rather ignored for a long, long time..

Try going through it and am sure you'll come about as a more thoughtful, if not a better person..

P.S: Thanks Mansi for commenting on my post and thereby opening me up to hopefully a better me.

Uncluttering the clutter..

Past few days have seen me cleaning spaces: literally!! I’ve cleared my cupboard, my shoe rack, my dresser, the kitchen shelves, the refrigerator, my email and cellphone inbox(s), my desktop, my feelings, thoughts, everything I could think off.. I carefully sorted out stuff, piled them into wanted, maybe and to be discarded slots and made my decisions.

The earlier ones were easy, rather welcome. It was a long weekend and I hate doing nothing so cleaning up the place was a pleasant chore. However, soon it was all done, things at home were spick and span and I found myself thinking about those mixed emotions, that inner turmoil I ignore as much as I can, the feelings I don’t admit even to myself…

All the cleaning and organizing had left me content and motivated to go on and so I took up the challenge to clear my thoughts. I contemplated on the people I’d clung on to, the people whom I called my friends but hadn’t spoken to them since ages, the people who cared so much about me without bothering if I reciprocated; I let the first ones go, decided upon the second one and began respecting the last ones..

I relived memories (all good ones because I think only the nicer ones have the ability to make you feel sad, the bad ones provoke anger) and let them pass too..

I emptied the mess in my head and now I feel exhilarated like never before.

And that's how my Dad made my day!!

Its my Dad's Birthday today and instead of I making his day, he made mine...

ME: Happy Birthday Papa!!
PAPA: Thank you beta..
ME: So what are you doing??
PAPA: Working (in his study at home)
ME: Ohh..so who else called? Did N & G (my sisters) wish you??
PAPA: Not yet.
ME: See, I am your best daughter..right?
PAPA: Yes, you are my best daughter..

And Papa said it with such love and affection that it instantly brought a smile on my face, all my worries were dispelled and I felt all loved and pampered, just like a small child, just like his youngest daughter!!

Am I getting weird??

These days I find myself praying for Mr.Bully's (read my boss) happiness because he has the ability to screw up mine...

Saturday night..

Breaking monotony, having fun, Absolut, chips, crackers, smoke, good old days, music, laughter, insights, confessions, crying, sadness, keeping the volume low, three roomies, comfort, hesitations, going back in time, malice, cribbing, bonding, warmth, phone, conversations, depth, joy, stories of new found love, giggles, questions..

And that's how that Saturday ended, or Sunday began!!

Smile..

Desperately needing a cheer after a blasting from my boss (and expecting another one after he's done with the meeting), I decided to be stubborn and began reading old blogs of friends instead of working. I randomly reached Aparna's blog and while going through her ancient posts, came across this one.

Its a copy paste but made me smile, hope it has a similar effect on you..

Take a few minutes and read these. Think about them one at a time BEFORE going on to
the next one.........

> Falling in love.
> Laughing so hard your face hurts.
> A hot shower.
> No lines at the Super Wal-Mart.
> A special glance.
> Getting mail.
> Taking a drive on a pretty road.
> Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
> Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
> Hot towels out of the dryer.
> Chocolate milkshake. (or vanilla!)
> A long distance phone call.
> A bubble bath.
> Giggling.
> A Good conversation.
> The beach.
> Finding a $20 bill (or $100) in your coat from last winter.
> Laughing at yourself.
> Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
> Running through sprinklers.
> Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
> Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
> Laughing at an inside joke.
> Friends.
> Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
> Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
> Your first kiss.
> Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
> Playing with a new puppy.
> Having someone play with your hair.
> Sweet dreams.
> Hot chocolate.
> Road trips with friends.
> Swinging on swings.
> Wrapping presents under the Christmas tree while eating cookies and drinking eggnog.
> Song lyrics printed inside your new CD so you can sing along without feeling stupid.
> Going to a really good concert.
> Winning a really competitive game.
> Making chocolate chip cookies.
> Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
> Spending time with close friends.
> Seeing smiles and hearing laughter from your friends.
> Holding hands with someone you care about.
> Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
> Riding the best roller coasters over and over.
> Watching the ex-pression on someone's face as they open a much desired present from you.
> Watching the sunrise.
> Getting out of bed every morning and thanking God for another beautiful day.

Bit by bit..

Handicrafts in India form a major source of income to the rural segment of our society. The income is meager but aspirations high. I came to realize the importance of handiwork on my last visit to Sambal, a tiny district close to a small Uttar Pradesh town of Muradabaad.

Muradabaad is primarily famous for its brass work but a lot of small crafts like “dari” (rug) making, zari work, block printing co-exist in its shadow. One such craft cluster I saw was dari making, an art where rugs are woven on a loom like, locally made machine. The material used is strips of wasted cloth or seconds blankets from Ludhiana factories.

What struck me about this place was its people and the conditions they worked under. A tiny courtyard is occupied by the loom, the cloth strips, a cooking area with utensils, domestic animals such as goats and chicken and last but not the least, a tiny cot. The artisans play loud music while working to maintain focus and are able to complete 3-4 rugs in a day.

On speaking to them about the hardships they faced while cultivating the crafts, they poured their hearts out. I was told how these poor and most of the times illiterate people were cheated by giving them huge orders and then later deceived for all the hard work put in by them. Lack of working capital forced them to borrow money at huge interest rates by pawning whatever little they had and after the production was complete, a dozen quality issues cropped up and the inspector refused to take the stock. These men were then forced to sell it off at the price desired by the buyer for the fear of hoarding stock. These craftsmen earn barely a rupee or two per piece and are even content with that.. I couldn’t believe that people could be so merciless and deprive these uneducated men of even their due share.

These artisans who are engineers, designers and pillars of a diminishing craft are dying a slow death and no one is paying heed to them. A little motivation, support and encouragement can go a long way. I am trying to do my bit and pray that the Government tries to do theirs before its too late..

Accident..

Past two days have been kinda crazy for me. I commute a distance of 5 kilometers on a cycle rickshaw, all thanks to the accident I had on Friday evening. A truck rammed into the front of my car, completely destroying the bumper, lights and the grill. So now, all credit to the awesome Gurgaon infrastructure, it takes me 45 minutes to cover a distance of 10 minutes.

Its freezing cold outside at 8:15 am (yes, that’s when I leave my home) and I have to wrap myself from head to toe before I set a foot outside. I than need to walk for about 10 minutes before I finally manage to get a rick. Once on board, I am free to look around and observe but I can’t do that either for its all dusty and your eyes are at constant threat if you dare to open them before you reach the destination. Anyhow, I do manage to squint a bit and witness people doing funny things while they halt at the red light. I see people picking their nose, combing their hair, checking themselves in the rare view mirror, applying lipstick, shouting on somebody over the phone or singing loudly along with FM in their cars and I smile..

I wonder how many of my such idiosyncrasies have been witnessed by others.. Have they seen me eating my breakfast while waiting for the light to turn green or applying lip balm that I frequently do or enjoying that piece of chocolate I have secretly hidden in my car or shouting abusives at a fellow careless driver..

Also on my rickshaw ride I feel the wind on my face, direct and so harsh that it manages to water my semi-opened eyes and yet I feel refreshed by it. I realize the worth of my car when I miss the hot air blowing at my feet from the blower and think how I would not have “really” enjoyed the winters without this experience..

I crib, I observe, I smile and I also laugh thinking of my Dad’s comment when I told him about my accident “ The world is certainly a safer place to live in with your car in the garage!!”

Growing old..

A conversation with G on his Birthday..

Me: Hey, Happy Birthday..
G: Thanks!!
Me: So whats happening?? What’ll you be doing??
G: Nothing much, will probably go out with family..
Me: Why, what happened to A, S and the rest of your friends??
G: Thay are all busy..
Me: Hmm.. Don’t worry you treat me when I come home..
G: Sure..
Me: So who else called??
G: Nobody really, just you and R..
Me: Ohhh..
G: Tell me something Sam, why do the number of calls on your Birthday decrease as you grow older??
Me: Hmm..

It was a normal Birthday kinda conversation and then suddenly with one line it changed into something else.. I began pondering on why the number of calls gradually declined once we grew older because as you grow old, you come across more people, increase your social circle.. You make some friends and lose a few but more or less its balanced..

Couldn’t figure that one out!!

Wearing six yards something..

With my brother’s marriage approaching and I being the only unmarried/ un-engaged female in the family, get more than required attention from my parents and relatives. Right now the latest hue and cry is what I’d be wearing for the “D Day”…

After a lot of discussions, arguments and fights, the junta came to a common conclusion that a sari would be the ideal choice. I was duely called home for the weekend and taken all over the city to pick what I liked. Finally when we had all given up, we went to this last boutique where I found exactly that I wanted. It was a whitish-silverish thing that caught my attention right away.

Now the guy draped the sari on me. The end was tucked, the pleats folded and secured with a belt. The loose end was draped perfectly on my shoulder and I felt transformed. I thought I’d be all clumsy and funny, (considering the fact that I never wear a salwaar kameez, let alone a sari) but nothing like that happened. I felt more mature, more in command and unfortunately a little older too. The funny, confused kid had suddenly vanished and what I saw in the mirror was a new me.

There was a kind of adrenaline rush, a fear and I so wanted to cling on to my old self. Me, who couldn’t even carry a scarf properly and giggled at the stupidest of things was feeling all grown up. But I knew that something had changed, a change that though doesn’t come about by merely changing your clothes but probably by the way you begin to view yourself, with a different perspective, a different way..

Between them and me..

Lately I’ve been going through posts which repeatedly clarify how much the authors love their parents, friends, spouses.. No offense to them but initially I thought that it was quite sweet of them to do that but gradually when the pattern repeated itself I was forced to think otherwise. I don’t understand if they are trying to convince themselves or the world of their affection towards the loved ones..

I perceive these things in a different light altogether. For me, the people I love are taken for granted. It sounds pretty crude but then I feel all the things that are really important to us like sunshine or air are there for us all the time. We don’t get up every morning and say “thank God there’s sun today” because we know that we can rely on it to come out each day.

Likewise, I don’t tell my parents/ family/ friends how much I love them all the time because they are my family and friends and they’d better be there!! I usually let my actions do most of the talking, a big hug, a tiny peck, its usually gestures and actions for me.. Probably am not a very vocal person and don’t express myself explicitly but I know that they know and I guess that’s what eventually matters..

Anyhow, its to each his own!!

Feeling good..

Winters always remind me of books, movies, everything larger than life, everything beautiful..

I drive down to work and often find myself imagining empty roads, good music and that beautiful white mist all around..Or when the work gets too hectic and life a little too confusing, I picture myself all curled up in a bean bag with a good book and hot tea..Walking down the road on a chilly morning with breeze on the face..thinking a zillion times before pouring that mug of water on my head..that hot water bottle on my feet..that accentuated smell of flowers in my room..

Winters do this to me..they rejuvenate me, make me happy about life and give me the strength to believe in the phrase: "All will be good"..

WINTERS..

Of wanting to end it on a happy note..

An end of another year,
..of memories, happiness and some regrets too..

A new begginning,
..hopefully to a great future!!

P.S: Happy New Year to all!! :)

Vanished..

They were disappearing one by one..
Till the last of them vanished..

A clue to give in..
A clue to not look back and be sad,
But cherish what there ever was..

And yet there is hope..

Wishing I could do more..

I work as a buyer for one of the biggest footwear firms in the country. The enormity of the above sentence struck me on my last visit to Kolkata. I, for the first time realized the power I held and how the fate of a few hundreds depended upon the decisions I took, the mistakes I committed and the feeling was far from making me feel good!!

I work with a wide array of businessmen, some who have been into shoe making for years and yet others who’ve just begun. They have invested so much of themselves into it, both financially and emotionally and it breaks my heart when I have to cancel orders, reject supplies, and basically do all the dirty work…

I met this young man who has been trying very hard to work things out with us, giving us the best prices possible, sampling footwear for us like crazy but unfortunately he goofed up in production and we had to stop it. It was so disheartening to see his factory almost empty and being the one responsible for its state, even to an extent..

Another is this old guy who has been working with us for past 28 years and does the basic, low priced chappals. I went to meet him and he told me how for the first time in all these years his factory has been shut down due to lack of work. I felt like burying myself right there but at times you are nothing but helpless. I can’t buy products which are not selling so I decide to give them new designs, get them developed and pray that they will sell, both for them and for my conscience sake..

Now I fully understand the meaning of the phrase “with power comes responsibility” and I don’t like the sound of any of it!!

Funsake..

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

You Are a Coy Flirt!

You're not so much a flirt as the type of girl who draws flirts in While you look like you're just relaxing, secretly you've got your game on A little look here, a little wink there... you give men the encouragement they crave And in return, they flirt up a storm with you - while you just sit and smile

Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer

For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that's not in guidebooks. You truly have wanderlust. When you're not traveling, you're dreaming about where you'll go next. And your travels are truly legendary - they leave you with stories you'll be telling for the rest of your life!

You are White Chocolate

You are White Chocolate You are sweet, caring, and truly very innocent.Whether your naive ways are a bit of act or not, people like to take care of you. You are a quiet flirt, and your power is often underestimated!

Time passing at: www.blogthings.com

And thats how its done.

Took up this one from J ...on discovering, tagging, blogging, commenting... Don't know how many tags I've done until now but anyways, here it goes:

BLOGGING: Was introduced to it by a friend about an year ago and when I begin to reason why I blog, am left with the following answers:
- I began because I wanted to maintain that standard of English (though there's not much to "maintain") for I believe that by stopping to write, one forgets the appropriate words to express themselves.
- I love to write; find it easier penning my thoughts on paper, reasoning out things than talking it out.
- Reading what others think about issues, getting various perspectives, learning new things fascinates me.
- After being here, I've realised that certain emotions I feel are not mine alone and that I got company!! :)
- Met some amazing people here to whose writings I always look forward to...

DISCOVERY: Refer to "blogging", pretty much covers it all..

COMMENTING: I love to read, be it about an issue, something funny, anything arbit, basically anything at all. And on reading, if I like it or I don't like it, I choose to speak out..

Am done with another tag and it just hit me that my tags are beginning to make just a little sense after all..

The tag's passed on to anyone who chooses to take it.

A random discussion, a funny discovery..

This conversation with a male friend of mine began with the usual topic: girls!! He was telling me how these nice, intelligent females were all taken by the so called “studds”, forcing me to bully him saying that why didn’t he get one then… he was in a confessional mood and admitted that these dudes were a class apart. Basically they were par excellence at everything: academically, socially, sports, theatre, you just had to name it.

My comment that such people, through extremely intelligent often saw professional failures made me realize a thing or two in the due course. Reasoning began: the logic behind the theory was that such people, wherever they went, found the work, the place and the people below their standards (no fault of theirs!!). Being of a much higher I.Q, the scope of learning and growth were limited compared to us mere mortals who struggle each day even for the completion of the smallest tasks and felt great sense of achievement when our boss appreciates it.

This friend contributed too. He told me that with him in IIT, there was this guy, an all India JEE high ranker, in short BRILLIANT!! Post college, he appeared for CATs and the only preparation done by him was to fill his form. Success again: he got through all the IIMs and chose Bangalore. This gentleman then interned at one of the most reputable finance firms in the world and was given a job offer; he declined it and joined a consultancy firm only to quit in the coming four months. The dude has been sitting idle for past year and a half!!

For the first time in my life I realize that I’m blessed with lesser I.Q. At times, it takes ages for me to understand things, I goof up, make a zillion mistakes and ask even more questions but I work hard and learn and appreciate a day well gone after that tiny pat on my back from my boss…