Being funny is so important to me..
I can get married to a funny man.
Friday, August 12, 2011
Wednesday, August 03, 2011
Secret effects..
My intuitions have been crazy strong these days,I just have to think that something might go wrong and it actually does.
Day before last, while driving to work I thought to myself that I hadn't had a punctured tyre for a while and in the evening, this is exactly what had happened.
The next thing was when last night I thought to myself how nice a buy my aircon was. I've had it for more than two years and it has never needed a repair. 3 o'clock at night it crashed.
I read The Secret (though I am no believer), some time ago and it said that the Universe transmitted your thoughts in form of events and you just have to believe. Though I can see the negative effect and still wait for the positive..
Day before last, while driving to work I thought to myself that I hadn't had a punctured tyre for a while and in the evening, this is exactly what had happened.
The next thing was when last night I thought to myself how nice a buy my aircon was. I've had it for more than two years and it has never needed a repair. 3 o'clock at night it crashed.
I read The Secret (though I am no believer), some time ago and it said that the Universe transmitted your thoughts in form of events and you just have to believe. Though I can see the negative effect and still wait for the positive..
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Vent..
I am worried. My work place is reducing it's stake in the footwear category and trying to get me into home products. And I hate it..
Monday, July 25, 2011
Inconsequential..
I just wanted to make a nonsensical list of a lot of stuff in my head, so here it goes:
- That torn picture I carried in my wallet for ages which wouldn’t make sense to anyone but me. I had it for years till my wallet got stolen.
- Delhi looks amazing at night from an airplane. The traffic looked liked lava flowing through streets, all brilliant and dazzling.
- Somebody can read you so well, it’s crazy.
- At times meaningless things can give you the most happiness.
- How you don’t think much of somebody and then you have that one conversation that shows how much a person has grown. And you realize it only because he did not call you when you requested him not to.
- Strangely enough, most of the times I put all my energy into something I can never have and yet it seems the most constructive thing I’ve done all day.
- The world moves such: with everybody having somebody on the hook.
- I’m not on Twitter. I think I will forget writing properly and let go of my blog, something that I don’t want to.
- Somebody told me that its books that find you and not the other way round, how apt.
- A quote I would like to save “It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.”
- I want to go for a run so bad, just do some, any form of exercise to vent all the anger out.
- I now for real understand what nostalgia means, not just a good sounding word in the dictionary but much more than that. Looking back at school and then college, telling details to people who wouldn’t care less and wishing from your heart that you could get them back.
- It will all be alright eventually, a belief I cannot stop living by.
- I like consistency more than I am willing to accept.
- It’s been a while since I have been thinking about giving a face to this space, not a real picture but maybe just a shadow, an impression and for years I have not been able to find the right picture. Maybe I like it better like this, with no names, no faces, no identity.
- I don’t like clutter anywhere, be it home, my desk or my head. And that’s exactly how I feel right now, all cluttered.
- I don’t like bookmarking books, instead I read from 9-9. For example, read from 1-9 then 9-129, you get the drift.
Pretty much it..
- That torn picture I carried in my wallet for ages which wouldn’t make sense to anyone but me. I had it for years till my wallet got stolen.
- Delhi looks amazing at night from an airplane. The traffic looked liked lava flowing through streets, all brilliant and dazzling.
- Somebody can read you so well, it’s crazy.
- At times meaningless things can give you the most happiness.
- How you don’t think much of somebody and then you have that one conversation that shows how much a person has grown. And you realize it only because he did not call you when you requested him not to.
- Strangely enough, most of the times I put all my energy into something I can never have and yet it seems the most constructive thing I’ve done all day.
- The world moves such: with everybody having somebody on the hook.
- I’m not on Twitter. I think I will forget writing properly and let go of my blog, something that I don’t want to.
- Somebody told me that its books that find you and not the other way round, how apt.
- A quote I would like to save “It’s hard to forget someone who gave you so much to remember.”
- I want to go for a run so bad, just do some, any form of exercise to vent all the anger out.
- I now for real understand what nostalgia means, not just a good sounding word in the dictionary but much more than that. Looking back at school and then college, telling details to people who wouldn’t care less and wishing from your heart that you could get them back.
- It will all be alright eventually, a belief I cannot stop living by.
- I like consistency more than I am willing to accept.
- It’s been a while since I have been thinking about giving a face to this space, not a real picture but maybe just a shadow, an impression and for years I have not been able to find the right picture. Maybe I like it better like this, with no names, no faces, no identity.
- I don’t like clutter anywhere, be it home, my desk or my head. And that’s exactly how I feel right now, all cluttered.
- I don’t like bookmarking books, instead I read from 9-9. For example, read from 1-9 then 9-129, you get the drift.
Pretty much it..
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Sister..
I had so much to write today and then my sister sends me this text: :"Was thinking of happy feelings and you were in most of them. Love you lots.". And then I forgot most of what I wanted to put down here and instead thought of all that she means to me.
Phase 1.
She is elder to me by six years but I am not sure it ever mattered. I will begin with the pictures we have together that somehow comprise of my earliest memories of her. Wherever we are together, she's holding me somehow, cuddling me, kissing me, holding my hand or my hair even, hand on the shoulder, the collar of my dress, just anything. And now when I see these pictures I realise how protective she has been of me, from so young to now.
Phase 2.
Then I remember her in her teens when constant fights were our daily ritual. We would argue, fight with hands and all and then her constant mood swings that I couldn't stand. She would study at night, with the television on and couldn't care less if I was sleeping or not. the room remained at its messiest best and I had to clean it every time when I had to study or sleep as I have always seemed to have had a cleaning disorder.
We also shared the same school and in case my rickshaw didn't turn up (we used to go in separate, she with her friends and me with mine), she would leave me to go on my own that included changing the shared tempos twice followed by a cycle rickshaw. Now I realise that it was my first lesson in independence and again like so many things, it came from her.
Phase 3.
After that I grew up and reached my teens. I was always a thin person, contrary to her. And because I was growing up and into sports, our mother never stopped me from eating anything,again contrary to her. On one hand while I was eating a bowl of chips and a whole slab of chocolate everyday, she was made to eat boiled food. Again fights happened and now I don't blame her.
Then she began going to parties and now I don't know why, she took me everywhere with her. The things that she was not allowed at her age, became acceptable at mine because she had already had my share of grievances and fights with our parents. We went out for parties, her friends became mine and mine hers. And when we came back late, she stood there to face the repercussion of coming after curfew hours.
Phase 4.
I got through NIFT and that's where my sister changed my life. She wanted to do this but while she was young, my father opposed to her studying outside the city. She did not let this happen to me. Very subtly, she and my mother persuaded my dad to let me go. And then I became what I am today.
So after all this, I just want to tell her that no matter how we fight still and have our own issues in our busy lives, she is part of all of my happy memories yesterday, now and even my future because if it had not been for her, I wouldn't be what I am today.
Phase 1.
She is elder to me by six years but I am not sure it ever mattered. I will begin with the pictures we have together that somehow comprise of my earliest memories of her. Wherever we are together, she's holding me somehow, cuddling me, kissing me, holding my hand or my hair even, hand on the shoulder, the collar of my dress, just anything. And now when I see these pictures I realise how protective she has been of me, from so young to now.
Phase 2.
Then I remember her in her teens when constant fights were our daily ritual. We would argue, fight with hands and all and then her constant mood swings that I couldn't stand. She would study at night, with the television on and couldn't care less if I was sleeping or not. the room remained at its messiest best and I had to clean it every time when I had to study or sleep as I have always seemed to have had a cleaning disorder.
We also shared the same school and in case my rickshaw didn't turn up (we used to go in separate, she with her friends and me with mine), she would leave me to go on my own that included changing the shared tempos twice followed by a cycle rickshaw. Now I realise that it was my first lesson in independence and again like so many things, it came from her.
Phase 3.
After that I grew up and reached my teens. I was always a thin person, contrary to her. And because I was growing up and into sports, our mother never stopped me from eating anything,again contrary to her. On one hand while I was eating a bowl of chips and a whole slab of chocolate everyday, she was made to eat boiled food. Again fights happened and now I don't blame her.
Then she began going to parties and now I don't know why, she took me everywhere with her. The things that she was not allowed at her age, became acceptable at mine because she had already had my share of grievances and fights with our parents. We went out for parties, her friends became mine and mine hers. And when we came back late, she stood there to face the repercussion of coming after curfew hours.
Phase 4.
I got through NIFT and that's where my sister changed my life. She wanted to do this but while she was young, my father opposed to her studying outside the city. She did not let this happen to me. Very subtly, she and my mother persuaded my dad to let me go. And then I became what I am today.
So after all this, I just want to tell her that no matter how we fight still and have our own issues in our busy lives, she is part of all of my happy memories yesterday, now and even my future because if it had not been for her, I wouldn't be what I am today.
Monday, July 18, 2011
Ticktock..
Just realised that it has been six years of writing here,
Not too bad I would say..
Especially for a person like me,
Who likes to wither away..
Not too bad I would say..
Especially for a person like me,
Who likes to wither away..
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
State..
I don't want to write a negative post but I cannot think of anything positive and yet I can't help writing just for the heck of it..
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
Love..
So my two and a half year old nephew and I are lazing on the couch and talking and he tells me: "Mausi ki eyes mein Shauryaman Jain (his name)dikh raha hai," with an intensity only a kid as old can muster.
Probably the most romantic words somebody has said to me.
Probably the most romantic words somebody has said to me.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Space..
Once, a long time ago, my cousin commented this on one of my posts and now after all this while it makes the most sense to me.
"What goes round, comes round.So many times we limit our happiness by giving it a certain definition.Then we wait for it to prove true. Some lives are perfect circles, and others oblong shapes.It might not make sense to you but know that every unexplained curve in it is a perfect fit for another oblong piece lying there somewhere.You just need to stick out till you finish the puzzle."
Probably the nicest piece of advise somebody gave me.
And so I wait to find my perfect unexplained curve..
"What goes round, comes round.So many times we limit our happiness by giving it a certain definition.Then we wait for it to prove true. Some lives are perfect circles, and others oblong shapes.It might not make sense to you but know that every unexplained curve in it is a perfect fit for another oblong piece lying there somewhere.You just need to stick out till you finish the puzzle."
Probably the nicest piece of advise somebody gave me.
And so I wait to find my perfect unexplained curve..
Monday, May 23, 2011
Spotless..
I know it has never been easy and never will be. Hopefully this one leaves me a little more humble, some more patient and lots more forgiving.
The last one hopefully, to get my slate clean..
The last one hopefully, to get my slate clean..
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Blessed..
I have been living on my own(as in alone) for close to three years now. My parents have been more than supportive of every decision taken, all the choices made. I need not write this but I love them so much that they are the only people, just thinking of whom can get me teary eyed and emotional. And I don’t get all worked up because I am a brilliant daughter, rather the contrary. I love independence, get selfish to the core at times, have more mood swings than a 16 year old and go to lengths to get my parents agree to what I want.
So basically, they have the most impossible deal on their hands, a girl who’s independent, moody and stubborn and yet they love me like they do. They hear my mildly upset voice over the phone and cannot sleep at night. God forbid if I hurt myself, or not well, one or both of them fly down, cancelling all their plans, pausing their own lives. They flex the general rules of the family to accommodate me since they understand what I would be comfortable in and what not, an example of which is that I wear tiny skirts in my hometown and what nots, I can go out late with friends the only condition being I must have a driver or one of them needs to pick me up. When my mother calls me in the evening, she sounds disappointed when she finds me at home and not out with friends or if I come back early I am questioned. I can always tell my parents whom I am with and where I am going to, be it movies or clubbing. The list is endless.
I don’t know why I am writing this, why I haven’t in all these years I have been at this space but something today makes my put how strong I feel about my parents here. How I keep realizing time and again how my sisters and I happen to be the focal point of their lives and me not being married yet happens to be the most pampered one.
I think I just cannot count my blessings enough..
So basically, they have the most impossible deal on their hands, a girl who’s independent, moody and stubborn and yet they love me like they do. They hear my mildly upset voice over the phone and cannot sleep at night. God forbid if I hurt myself, or not well, one or both of them fly down, cancelling all their plans, pausing their own lives. They flex the general rules of the family to accommodate me since they understand what I would be comfortable in and what not, an example of which is that I wear tiny skirts in my hometown and what nots, I can go out late with friends the only condition being I must have a driver or one of them needs to pick me up. When my mother calls me in the evening, she sounds disappointed when she finds me at home and not out with friends or if I come back early I am questioned. I can always tell my parents whom I am with and where I am going to, be it movies or clubbing. The list is endless.
I don’t know why I am writing this, why I haven’t in all these years I have been at this space but something today makes my put how strong I feel about my parents here. How I keep realizing time and again how my sisters and I happen to be the focal point of their lives and me not being married yet happens to be the most pampered one.
I think I just cannot count my blessings enough..
Friday, May 06, 2011
Prayer..
I think everybody has different means to reach God and this space seems mine.
So I just bow and pray and hope that it will happen..
So I just bow and pray and hope that it will happen..
Monday, May 02, 2011
Sweet..
This Saturday as usual I was helping my maid clean the house. It is a weekend ritual where I get everything removed and all the nooks and corners are taken care off. This lady has been working at my place for years now and I trust her with a lot. Every Saturday she tells me about her family, the other places she works at and the people there, not in terms of gossip (I barely know anyone) but generally.
That day she was telling me how she had begun working at these apartments and the lady there wanted to hire her for her neighbour. Since the timings clashed with my place, she refused saying that she had been working at mine for years now and does not want to quit. She also told me that it had been her dream to work at one of these high rises, the reason being that she loves taking the elevator. She always wanted to and now she gets to take once twice a day, this with so much pride in her voice.
It was one of the sweetest things I heard someone say. I realised how innocent ambitions can be and how simple and somehow it gave me a different perspective to life.
That day she was telling me how she had begun working at these apartments and the lady there wanted to hire her for her neighbour. Since the timings clashed with my place, she refused saying that she had been working at mine for years now and does not want to quit. She also told me that it had been her dream to work at one of these high rises, the reason being that she loves taking the elevator. She always wanted to and now she gets to take once twice a day, this with so much pride in her voice.
It was one of the sweetest things I heard someone say. I realised how innocent ambitions can be and how simple and somehow it gave me a different perspective to life.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
View..
It is being told a million times, in mulitiple different ways, different contexts.
It is my biggest fear coming true and there is just one thing that can save the sitiuation and I so wish for it to happen, maybe even for all the wrong reasons, maybe right.
I guess I am selfish and disgusting and mean and I can't help but be like that..
It is my biggest fear coming true and there is just one thing that can save the sitiuation and I so wish for it to happen, maybe even for all the wrong reasons, maybe right.
I guess I am selfish and disgusting and mean and I can't help but be like that..
Friday, April 08, 2011
Vision..
I read it on some one else's space and totally fell for it. Too worthy a phrase to lose it somewhere so I put this here:
"...All life is just a progression toward, and then a recession from, one phrase- 'I love you.'"
-The Offshore Pirate, F. Scott Fitzgerald.
"...All life is just a progression toward, and then a recession from, one phrase- 'I love you.'"
-The Offshore Pirate, F. Scott Fitzgerald.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Synonyms..
Volatile:
Unstable/ Unpredictable/ Explosive/ Hot-blooded/ Impulsive/ Fickle/ Capricious/ Hot-tempered
Capricious:
Changeable/ Whimsical/ Variable/ Unreliable/ Fickle/ Erratic
Fickle:
Indecisive/ Inconsistent/ Vacillating/ Picky
Vacillating:
Irresolute/ Of two minds/ Hesitant/ Dithering/ Wavering
Irresolute:
Undetermined/ Wishy-washy/ Cowardly
Wishy-washy:
Weak/ Spineless/ Spiritless/ Ineffectual/ Pathetic
Ineffectual:
Incompetent/ Unimpressive/ Unsuccessful/ Useless/ Hopeless/ Inadequate
Inadequate:
Insufficient/ Not enough/ Scarce/ Too little/ Derisory/ Laughable/ Poor
Derisory:
Pitiful/ Insulting/ Ridiculous/ Contemptible/ Mean
Ridiculous:
Ludicrous/ Preposterous/ Absurd/ Silly/ Unreasonable
Preposterous
Outlandish
Above was just a game I was playing to break the monotony of work and it made me realise what fun words can be and you never end from the point you start from (be it any sphere of life).
Unstable/ Unpredictable/ Explosive/ Hot-blooded/ Impulsive/ Fickle/ Capricious/ Hot-tempered
Capricious:
Changeable/ Whimsical/ Variable/ Unreliable/ Fickle/ Erratic
Fickle:
Indecisive/ Inconsistent/ Vacillating/ Picky
Vacillating:
Irresolute/ Of two minds/ Hesitant/ Dithering/ Wavering
Irresolute:
Undetermined/ Wishy-washy/ Cowardly
Wishy-washy:
Weak/ Spineless/ Spiritless/ Ineffectual/ Pathetic
Ineffectual:
Incompetent/ Unimpressive/ Unsuccessful/ Useless/ Hopeless/ Inadequate
Inadequate:
Insufficient/ Not enough/ Scarce/ Too little/ Derisory/ Laughable/ Poor
Derisory:
Pitiful/ Insulting/ Ridiculous/ Contemptible/ Mean
Ridiculous:
Ludicrous/ Preposterous/ Absurd/ Silly/ Unreasonable
Preposterous
Outlandish
Above was just a game I was playing to break the monotony of work and it made me realise what fun words can be and you never end from the point you start from (be it any sphere of life).
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
Volatile..
It's like a burden lifted and I do feel the vacuum but I am so so relieved.
Please please let it last..
Please please let it last..
Monday, February 14, 2011
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
Stuck..
After this one, another life changer with the same friend and once again in a Chinese restaurant.
@#%$&: It is inevitable Sam. Sooner or later you will have to take a decision , make a choice and get into something permanent. The later you do, the lesser chances you might have to adapt to the situation easily.
Life is difficult. We will all have problems, it never will be perfect. But it is upto you to choose the happiness you prefer: financial, personal or professional. Would you rather have less money, a bad day a work but come back to a happy home.
Me: I know what you mean and I know the choice is an obvious one.
To myself: Leap of faith, that is all I will have to take.
Like the last one, this too has stuck by me and I am grateful that we had this conversation.
@#%$&: It is inevitable Sam. Sooner or later you will have to take a decision , make a choice and get into something permanent. The later you do, the lesser chances you might have to adapt to the situation easily.
Life is difficult. We will all have problems, it never will be perfect. But it is upto you to choose the happiness you prefer: financial, personal or professional. Would you rather have less money, a bad day a work but come back to a happy home.
Me: I know what you mean and I know the choice is an obvious one.
To myself: Leap of faith, that is all I will have to take.
Like the last one, this too has stuck by me and I am grateful that we had this conversation.
Wednesday, January 05, 2011
Surprise..
I finally got one, after more than two years of contemplating: I am talking about a tattoo.
I realised how fickle I can be whilst getting one, the artist had just done the outline and I screamed that I wanted it off and I absolutely hated it. He stopped right then and just stared at me while I calmed down and got my nerves back. Now I understand that it was not the tattoo that I hated but the whole idea of permanency. And the reason why I chose to go for one was to get something, anything permanent.
I have always run away from situations that call for commitment of any sort.
- When I make plans with friends, I always have a backup to get out of them.
- On my work side I know I can quit anytime and go back home.
- Hair cut: they grow again
- Any purchase: I can return or buy another one.
- Relationships (minus family): I don’t get into one and then I know that though it may hurt but I can chose to back off.
Considering above, this decision to get something as permanent on myself was a very big deal and I don’t regret it a bit. Hopefully, other similar life altering decisions will give me the same feeling. Ta..
And a very happy new year to all.
I realised how fickle I can be whilst getting one, the artist had just done the outline and I screamed that I wanted it off and I absolutely hated it. He stopped right then and just stared at me while I calmed down and got my nerves back. Now I understand that it was not the tattoo that I hated but the whole idea of permanency. And the reason why I chose to go for one was to get something, anything permanent.
I have always run away from situations that call for commitment of any sort.
- When I make plans with friends, I always have a backup to get out of them.
- On my work side I know I can quit anytime and go back home.
- Hair cut: they grow again
- Any purchase: I can return or buy another one.
- Relationships (minus family): I don’t get into one and then I know that though it may hurt but I can chose to back off.
Considering above, this decision to get something as permanent on myself was a very big deal and I don’t regret it a bit. Hopefully, other similar life altering decisions will give me the same feeling. Ta..
And a very happy new year to all.
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