At times, when am alone and have nothing to do, (which is a common scenario nowadays..), strange thoughts come to my mind. Am at a contradiction to myself, to my value system, to certain principles that I lead my life by.
There are times when I think that this inner fight with yourself is alright, that its sometimes fine to bend certain rules, to be free and not worry about the future or others’ opinions, to just let go and behave like that uncaring individual who doesn’t care about the big bad world and inspite of all the struggles, is proved right at the end of a story. But then a more practical side of me takes over. It compels me to feel bad over things that I have done wrong in my life, it tears my conscience apart till I feel like crap. I begin to think of the concept of "Karma", of the fact that what you do comes back to you in some way or the other and then I begin to analyze myself, my thoughts, my actions, my values and my beliefs. I start to reason things with myself, begin to defend my ideas. Its like a conflict going on between two people within one being.
I don’t know if its normal to feel what I do, if most of us go through this self battering or is it mere reading too many books where its difficult for the protagonist to decide which way to go? But primarily, I wonder if any of the above makes the slightest of sense to anyone..