Friday, July 14, 2006

Analyze this..

At times, when am alone and have nothing to do, (which is a common scenario nowadays..), strange thoughts come to my mind. Am at a contradiction to myself, to my value system, to certain principles that I lead my life by.

There are times when I think that this inner fight with yourself is alright, that its sometimes fine to bend certain rules, to be free and not worry about the future or others’ opinions, to just let go and behave like that uncaring individual who doesn’t care about the big bad world and inspite of all the struggles, is proved right at the end of a story. But then a more practical side of me takes over. It compels me to feel bad over things that I have done wrong in my life, it tears my conscience apart till I feel like crap. I begin to think of the concept of "Karma", of the fact that what you do comes back to you in some way or the other and then I begin to analyze myself, my thoughts, my actions, my values and my beliefs. I start to reason things with myself, begin to defend my ideas. Its like a conflict going on between two people within one being.

I don’t know if its normal to feel what I do, if most of us go through this self battering or is it mere reading too many books where its difficult for the protagonist to decide which way to go? But primarily, I wonder if any of the above makes the slightest of sense to anyone..

5 comments:

KS said...

Hmmm
I do a lot of self battering myself too Saumya... but then i've come to realise that behind this self mortification(physical or mental) lies something which we kinda want to improve on, something which we want to be better in, something which we wish we could change... something like that..

Continue writing... It's quite nice.

PS. There are quite a few peepz out there who yell at themselves... me included.

---K.

KS said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
anav said...

Someone said that 'Life is what u make of it'..if you think wht ur doin will make it more beautiful than it already is,go ahead do it..just don think...well tht's wht i believ:)

KS said...

Ok. Next time around--No names ok?
Sorry for the first one, you can go ahead and delete my comment.

And once again, thx a ton for stopping by at my blog.

BTW, Thatha means Dadaji or Grandfather :)

He's doing much better now by God's grace.

Anonymous said...

Very well composed.. and it got me thinking as well. It some how also reminds me of the theory 'flow', which was discovered by Mihaly.
But i must congratulate you for your wonderful writings.
shubs