I don't know the kind of life I've been living the past few months. I can't say that I am unhappy, rather I am and it's all because of the joy that my work brings me. My work strangely impacts every aspect of my life and like a lot of people can, I cannot disintegrate myself from it.
But apart from that, I am pretty much in shambles. With S not here, I lack motivation and zeal for anything in life. I have an OCD but my house is in a mess and I just can't be bothered. I love clicking pictures but its hard to find the subject in my everyday life while once it came so naturally to me. It's difficult to even form sentences and write properly or be enthusiastic for anything in life at all. And I can't even begin to talk about how hard it is for me to sleep, how nightmares scare me like never before.. It's like my living force is missing, that somewhere my soul has evaporated.
And I know that it's just a phase and it too shall pass, that maybe like all things that have happened in my life to bring me to him, this is happening only because of my fear of mediocrity, that maybe these tough times are only there to show us better ones..
But how I miss him..