An angry post..

These days I find myself thinking about the two-facetness of it all: people, situations, moods, life!! I realize how taking somebody at their face value can be totally stupid and that no matter what, some people don’t change. They don’t stop being sad when somebody else does good in life or when life’s working well for a friend, irrespective of continuous efforts of that friend to be nice. They try their best to poison little things, relationships with other people to name a few..

I unfortunately happen to know somebody like that. For years I’ve tried to be nice, helping in the little way I can but mostly be happy for her. I have never wanted the same in return; just the fact that she keep her mouth shut, I mean is that asking for too much?? But no, this woman “has to” interfere in my life, she “has to” say the good part to me and be all bitchy before others.. Is it so difficult to mind your own business, keep your tongue under control and if none of these at least not be deceitful??

Damn, I hate such people and I wish I could do all but confront her, however, the very thought of disturbing all the harmony is stopping me from doing so..

The whys of my life..

Alright, without further delay, I'll get on with my nonsensical rambling..

- Why can't I get any sleep at this unearthly hour of 3:30 am?? Okie, that's fairly simple, I ended up having two mugs of coffee at Barista, getting carried away with the rains, the interesting book I was reading and by the stupid feeling of contentment that suddenly enveloped me. For a while I thought my life was awesome, to be thrown back to reality moments later..

- Why the hell did I have to "grow up"?? I mean I was dieing to become an adult, not having to go to school, earn myself, be on my own but nobody told me it would be that difficult and homework issues, boys problems, baby fat, pimples and curfew timings were but minor bits!!

- Why do I need to take decisions?? I hate doing that but neither do I like somebody else doing that for me.. It sounds cool to say that I'd rather blame myself and shit (which works for me at times too), but it never hurts to blame others..

- Why am I a Gemini (stupid one, its my parents fault!!) but I believe in the sun sign bit and think that confusion, indecisiveness, talking in paradox, not knowing what I want, being unfocused, stubborn, having my own way, being a freedom fanatic, such traits just arise due to belonging to this sun sign..

Yeh, I figured it out towards the end, its the way am born, the way I will remain and there's pretty much nothing I can do about.. I guess my whys are somewhat answered..

About homes and such..

Lucknow, especially the area I stay in has a lot of old buildings, with some new construction jutting far in between. Though I love modern architecture, those new houses with minimalist, all white interiors, dark brown furniture, huge skylights, et all but its the old homes that intrigue me.

I often happen to pass many such old homes with faded, mossed exteriors, big windows with semi broken panes and wonder about them. I imagine the interiors would probably be slightly faded with assorted furniture, things scattered, maybe a lie back chair, the ones with old floral covers, that familiar, cozy smell lingering on them. I visualise rickety, well used furniture, so old that each has a story to reveal or is occupied by its favorite people. The kitchen would be small and cluttered, very close to the living area so that when a meal is prepared, the whole house smells of it.. A washing area on the backyard with a green Videocon and a succession of clothes lines for those umpteen clothes, a circular staircase that would lead to the terrace with potted plants in assorted jars, pots, even bins or then maybe a well kept area..

I then proceed to imagine the kind of people living there. Whether it would be a big family or a nuclear one living in a big house, if they'd be a happy lot or the continuously cribbing kinds, if there would be any old people like grandparents in the house who'd have built this place with a zillion dreams and how they would be having so many memories attached to every room, every bit furniture, even the linen being used in the house.. If the house would have pictures all over the walls, telling bits about the people who've been a part of it (am especially biased towards old pictures, the black and white ones)..

But mostly I relate it to my place, a big and old house with a courtyard in the centre and even a well.. A house that is about 35 years old to which new wings have been added to accommodate additions to the family, a place which isn't that old when you compare it to the old heritage homes but its not new either, a place that I happen to love despite its clutter, inspite of the functional lines of one room merging into the other but that’s one place I'd rather be than anywhere else.. And I guess that’s what makes it home for me..