Lately I’ve been writing a lot and that too not in my usual two liner style but with a lot of explanations and content (maybe not) and that’s how it will be for a while (again, maybe not).
The good news is that the last day last year was maybe one of the nicest I had. It was simple, I felt loved and cared for and that was all I could have asked. The trip was brilliant and I came back with little moments that I would hold close. After last year’s fiasco, I have a strange feeling that God is trying to make up for all the hard times that he has shown me (or is it just my arrogance). I also realize that time can heal so much and how I’ve always underestimated it. I feel very positive about the coming year on the personal front and I am at my securest and best behavior when I feel loved.
The end of the year saw me connecting with a lot of old friends. We did catch up once in a while but the heart to heart we had in our last meeting/ chat brought us closer. It was as if that bond which was not strong ever suddenly had some sort of tensile strength. I was also surprised to know that while I thought that the whole world was against me and all my friends gossiping about me, the fact was that they were concerned but never knew how to show. I had cocooned myself for a while now and it’s nice to come out and breathe.
On the negative side, I NEED to change my place of work. I’ve been told by a friend that getting good people/ good pay and good work is a myth and they can never happen simultaneously but things are at an odd now. While I just love my work, and the people might not be that bad either but I can see no growth at all. No matter how long hours I put in, the credit goes to somebody else and not getting acknowledged of what you’ve done is something I detest. Also, the pay isn’t that great when I compare it to the market standards and though it’s something I can ignore but this feeling of claustrophobia of not being able to speak for what’s rightfully mine is overwhelming. I am oscillating between sticking to this place where I’ve found a sort of comfort zone to risking it all for some newness and maybe more money.
I just cannot shirk of this sense of feeling happy about this year, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt like that and I just pray to God to please please let it stay..