This one’s been in my draft the day after I turned 30, on June 4th (here I admit my age!!).
I made no plans with friends this birthday. I somehow thought that getting to this number required me to sober down so I didn’t go out anywhere, that and plus it was a Monday.
I was hoping that hitting this age would miraculously change things for me. I would calm down, be less restless, not lose my temper at every little thing, be more in control of the situation, act more sensible, behave mature, carry myself with more elegance and poise (rather than my shambled self), stop dressing in denims and tees to work or rather shorts and tees more often than not, stop pining over things I can never have, shop less, save more; the list is endless.
I assumed that I would wake up the next day to my better self and it would be like enlightment the Buddha way. But none of that happened!!
I am still how I was, still care about people’s opinions of me that I would never admit, still feel bad about being rude to anybody and doing a pitiful job of trying to make up; still addicted to romance and mush without frills, still miss love from my life and still make mistakes that I always have. My dressing has not under gone any change and so haven’t my shopping habits; my family still rules over everything else and I am still not willing to succumb to the pressure of getting married until I find the right person for me, even at the cost of being called choosy/ rigid and what not.
Some things never change, never will and then I have to live upto my reputation of being stubborn..
I made no plans with friends this birthday. I somehow thought that getting to this number required me to sober down so I didn’t go out anywhere, that and plus it was a Monday.
I was hoping that hitting this age would miraculously change things for me. I would calm down, be less restless, not lose my temper at every little thing, be more in control of the situation, act more sensible, behave mature, carry myself with more elegance and poise (rather than my shambled self), stop dressing in denims and tees to work or rather shorts and tees more often than not, stop pining over things I can never have, shop less, save more; the list is endless.
I assumed that I would wake up the next day to my better self and it would be like enlightment the Buddha way. But none of that happened!!
I am still how I was, still care about people’s opinions of me that I would never admit, still feel bad about being rude to anybody and doing a pitiful job of trying to make up; still addicted to romance and mush without frills, still miss love from my life and still make mistakes that I always have. My dressing has not under gone any change and so haven’t my shopping habits; my family still rules over everything else and I am still not willing to succumb to the pressure of getting married until I find the right person for me, even at the cost of being called choosy/ rigid and what not.
Some things never change, never will and then I have to live upto my reputation of being stubborn..
3 comments:
Belate happy birthday Sam :)
30 is just a number, so why expect you would change overnight! :D but its good to spend sometime on your own....hope you enjoyed the day.
If u ask me, u should not.Although its inevitable but still people around you, would wish you go back your same old self.
Melee, Thank you so much :) I somehow did but on the hindsight I realise that the change has alraedy happened, slowly, discreetly.. And it wasn't too bad being on my own but I's have liked comapny somehow.
Anon, Everybody changes and that's part of growing up. Clining on to the older self never helps.
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