Existence..

I no more know how to cope without him. And I never, ever thought that I will be in such a state.

 It’s been tough times for us lately with S’s job issues. So today, after a lot of drama and lack of opportunities here, he moved to Bombay. I stayed back and now I don’t know what to do with myself. He’s been the center of my world since we got married and his moving out made me realise somethings about myself:

-          -I have never been so dependent on anyone

-          -I no more need “space”

-          -I don’t know how to sleep in that big bed, all by myself

-          -I am cold throughout the night and need to use double blankets

-          -It seems all the laughter and joy has vanished from my life

-          -I can trade a lot with God, provided he comes back

-          -I’ve quit smoking, something I really loved to do

-          -I’ve realized that I write here only and only for myself

My entire schedule has gone hay wire:

-           -I woke up and snuggled in for a five minute nap, no more.

-           -While I took eons to get ready, he made the bed, watered the plants- I do it 

              now

-          -He took ages to eat breakfast and I fought with him for getting late- it doesn’t 

             even matter anymore

-          -I HAD to text him once I reached office, he can’t do much about my safety now

-          -Fought him if he took the car- I have it all to myself and now I don’t know 

             what was the big deal

-          -We checked with each other after lunch, and I miss it now

-          -The evenings that were the best part of my life as I got to see him, are the 

             scariest

-          -He’d wait for me with an open door when he heard the car being parked and 

             we raced home..

I don’t know now, I don’t..