Behavioral confusions..

At times I fail to comprehend a lot of things, call it my lack of observance or plain ignorance. I fail to understand behavioral patterns of certain people, what makes them tick, how their psyche functions and I detest not knowing, the absence of me figuring out the reason/logic behind any kind of disorder..

It confuses me.

Conversing in the present..

Can’t get away without this one. Have been going through a strange time right now in terms of people, feelings, the very surroundings in general and all the zig-zag has left me confused and a little bugged.

All the traveling I did this month was a lot of fun. “Fun”, a word I need to remind myself of more and more: fun with work, with friends, fun reading, fun doing nothing. Anyways, I need to get back into the grind, work and yet have fun like the good ol days.

A peculiar kind of pressure has built up at home with me being the only spinster left. My younger sister gets married next month and my niece sometime this year. I can virtually hear the worry in my parents’ voices. They think that I’d be upset and all and try to keep themselves calm before me but the fact is that I got too much on my plate to even think on this issue.

This month has also been kinda an eye opener for me. My birthday made me realize about certain people I have in my life. I’ve been off on certain terms with my family but now given up. My past worked against me and I got nothing to say in my defense. But now I’ve grown up and hopefully the howling scene of the last time won’t repeat itself no matter how much it actually hurts. Am also scared of letting somebody off the hook but its inevitable.

Lately, its been impossible to control my temper regarding this dude at work. He’s not a bad chap work wise but other than that, he irritates the shit out of me. I get so pissed with his fucking behavior where he pretends to be my knight in shining armor that I can barely keep myself from abusing or slapping him. He’s trying to force me to go out for dinner with him and I CAN’T!!

Now a certain call has distracted me from the whole issue and I’d say you guys should be glad of the same or I’d have gone on and on considering my present state of insanity.

P.S: This is the first time I've used foul language in my space but I couldn't find another subsitute that would show how angry I am and am not proud of it.

Varying definations.

"This was what happiness was- he'd never known it before; this melting away, this exhalation, your guts spilling into your head, filling your eyes- your mind transformed into your body, your body instinct with the joy in your mind, this sensation of reality having met its end." The Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh.

I found this scribbled on a piece of paper I found deep within the pockets of my bag. And I remember jotting it down because it was one of the nicest ways I'd read love being described as. I seem to derive a new meaning out of it on every read.

The undisclosed stuff..

This one’s a dicey tag: one that wants me to reveal secrets.. But as the trend goes, I’ll be slightly evasive like burf who tagged me. The list goes like this:

1.I envy people who’ve stayed in foreign countries on their own. I too want to do that just for a tiny bit of it.
2.I love my parents beyond anything.
3.I have a habit of touching my earlobe while sleeping.
4.At times I do not understand lyrics of a lot of English numbers.
5.My idea of romance includes candlelight and fragrance (and I claim not to be mushy).
6.I get embarrassed when a guy approaches me.
7.I can’t understand anything remotely concerning numbers.
8.I love wit.
9.Temptations are very difficult to let go of by me.
10.I think I’ve come this far by sheer luck and some honesty and I possess no real talent.

I think I revealed way too much than I intended to and like always, I do not pass this one to anybody. Please do it if you want to and I’d love to read it.

The long and short of it..

- I suck at treks. I did pretty well climbing up and going down but the fatigue was beyond imagination. This in spite of that hour and a half regime I've been trying to follow.
- My tolerance level is much more than I thought. The bathing area near the Temple was beyond dirty/gross, I managed to take that bath and not crib.
- People have dual personalities, personal and professional For now I like my boss and I know tomorrow I'll get back to disliking him.
- I don't know how to fend off that guy without being mean.
- That sleep after one Combiflam was blissful, I think I connected with God.
- Its strange how that one person is the only one you want to see no matter how strongly you dislike him when you are totally lost in a strange place. I couldn't control my emotions after I saw my boss after almost two hours of being lost.
- Some people inspire faith just by their mere presence.
- I am lucky, I've people who love me, I realised that on my birthday.
- My birthday/trip from which I had zilch expectations was very good.
- I need to exercise more.