Nostalgia..

On my last visit to home, I was forced by my mother to clean the drawers and cabinets of my study table. It’s a task I hate doing not because I am lazy or messy but because those cabinets are filled with memories that are at times a little painful to relive… Here’s what I found:

- Tons of cards and letters.
- Photographs of visit to the South on my school trip.
- Chocolate covers, loads of them!!
- Dried flowers.
- My slam books.
- Old journals.
- Friendship bands.
- Old test tubes!!
- All sorts of colour mediums- pencils, crayons, oil pastels, sketch pens, spray colours, markers…
- Old art files.
- More chocolate wrappings…
- “Love is...” clippings from newspapers, neatly stacked in an envelope…
- A (unused) diaper and a feeding bottle.
- Scribbled notes and doodles.
- My favorite poem “Daffodils” by William Wordsworth given to me by Ap during college.
- Chewed old pens and pencils.
- Old gift-wrappings.
- Old birthday pictures.
- Clippings of graphics and layouts that interested me back then…
- A copy of Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach.
- A pendant.
- Memories…

Rummaging through my cabinets took me down the memory lane and I relived almost a decade, cherished a thousand moments and appreciated all that I had in life: my friends, all those happy and sad times… Am so nostalgic!!

P.S: My cabinets still remain in that state of total chaos.. ;)

Welcome to Haryana!!

Staying in Gurgaon, a part of Haryana, the “femme fatale” here have to undergo a zillion trials posed by the supremely ruling male ego… They leave no opportunity to harass, bully and infuriate you by their open display of chauvinism. God forbid, if you are victimized, there would be no way out of it accept withdrawing gracefully or apologizing, even if it isn’t you mistake. And terror strikes if you have the audacity to disagree with them or show the slightest inclination to fight back for then you are subjected to harassment, abuse and even violence at times…

The above is an outpour of my anger at the incident that happened yesterday. My roomy and me were driving to someplace, the road to which is particularly bumpy and hence requires a lot of steering the car if one wants to avoid getting into huge potholes. Suddenly I hear an abuse followed by an instruction to stop the car. Fearing I had hurt someone, I stopped immediately and was surrounded by about eight men in an instant. They began screaming that I wasn’t driving properly. When I dared to ask what wrong had I done, this guy comes up with that while steering away from a humungous pothole, “on a straight road”, I hadn’t given an indicator. However, either of the cars showed no signs of damage and hence I dared to argue back. A mistake I realized soon enough when these people started raising their voices and I could see aggression in their eyes.

Slightly shaken, we apologized only to hear “bas aisa boliye na ki aapki galti hai”. All of them withdrew and we witnessed the ultimate of Haryanavi male ego.

However, this was not the end of it… As luck would have it, I bumped into the same set in the market and got to hear the comment: “marron kya??” (should I hit her?), while the other one answered: “rehne de!!”. We got pretty shaken and ended up running from the place.

Don’t know what should I be thinking by the end of it all… Can men go to this extent to prove their physical power over females? Would anybody have stood up had something happened? It gives me shudders to think of the answers…

Lesson of the Day!!

Life's like the tangled wires of my earphones set: the more you hurry untangling it, the more twisted they get...

But if you are patient and take it easy, you tidy it all in a bit...

My favorite Doodle!! ;)

With nothing to do and a paper and pencil in hand, I doodle/ scribble/ jot down things... Above is one of the cartoons I love doing.

Usually its not this refined but without a scanner and the whole of holiday at my disposal, I used Corel Draw to squiggle a bit!! ;)

Strange are the ways of Life..

You begin talking to a complete stranger and you connect. In that unknown person you find a friend, a confidante, a soul barer. Its easy sharing your thoughts because the fear of being jugded, of being gossiped about does not exist. You confide beacuse this friendship which has no face, no identity, no expectations is secure, safe... You are learning new things, growing...

Years pass, time goes by and the bond strengthens. You start trusting, relying, getting dependant to an extent. Then BANG!! It all evaporates, the friend- once stranger is looking for more, more than that can be given, "more" that is impossible!!

Have you lost a friend??

Random Thoughts.

I have been staying in the hospital for past one week and with nothing better to do, have been pondering on the state of my past/ present only to come to the following conclusion:

- My life is what I've made of it.
- Although things haven't gone my way, especially at the relationships front, I've lost the bitterness of the past year. I am glad that the people who've stuck by me, have; and am glad that the ones who left me have done me good too. :)
- I feel more secure now, more in my skin.
- My parents are awesome and so are my siblings. Love you all!!
- Saw how my parents stand by each other, saw how much my dad loves mom and how they communicate it without a word, even a gesture. This re-affirms my belief in the institution of marriage.
- My job is good, can do a lot with this kind of work experience.
- Am not sure if I want to get married right now, short-listing of guys has begun at home!!
- I have the freedom to choose. ;)
- Am content, mom's operation went well.
- I hope things get sorted out on the family front.
- Things are going smooth so far...wondering whats going to disrupt it all. Am keeping my fingers crossed.

Probably none of it makes sense to anyone, to me its the current state of affairs in my life.

Whats with me??

Will I ever be loved/important enough for anyone to write a post on me or merely mention me in one??

And so I don't stop...

Its 9:30am in the morning and I am loaded with work. Yet, I have this sudden urge to write so I decide to keep my work aside and post a blog!!

Just went through a friend’s writings and realized that compared to hers, my postings are pretty sad…

- My English is too basic.
- My thoughts too repetitive.
- There’s hardly anything “that” exciting happening in my life.
- The blog seems to lack essence, spirit!!
- There is no signature style in my writing… or is there? Need help on this one from those few wonderful souls who go through my postings.
- Does what I do/feel/write matters to anyone?? Do I care? On this one I’d say: “Yes I do; evidence: this post!!

Inspite of the above, I don’t know how to improve so I shall continue what I enjoy doing without trying to bother whats thought of it all…

Pottermania!!

Date: 21st July 2007
Place: Landmark Stores
Time: 6:30am
Occasion: Release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.

Nothing in the world can make me wake up so early in the morning except when its absolutely necessity driven. One of such instances was the day of the release of my favorite book: Harry Potter!!

I have been awaiting this book for months, speculating with my friends the fate of Potter, fearing the worse… This was my second trip to Landmark, the previous one made the night before at 12 hoping that the book would be out by then as per IST standards. Was disappointed when the notice outside the store requested the fans to be patient and asked us to come at 6 in the morning.

Next morning, the alarm buzzed at the set time and there I was with my equally crazy flat mate at Landmark, which is a stone’s throw from my place… Pottermania had caught on and there were complete families buying books, people from Hindustan Times and some arbit channel interviewing the crowd. We too got our share of the glory and were asked for comments, clicked too in pajamas with that totally out-of-the-bed look. The reporter told us that we could see us on www after 5pm that eve or if luck were with us, the next day in the newspapers!! We were so proud of this achievement of ours, thinking that probably that’s the only time our parents would see us in any sort of media!!

Reached back home and the reading began, I couldn’t concentrate on work that day, Saturday working hours lasted for two hours and I managed to finish my book by Sunday morning (my flat mate is still on it!!).

Although we didn’t manage to make our mark anywhere on the publicity front, the book was a complete pleasure. Now I even have a PDF so I can refer to it at any time in the office and then there are friends online always to discuss the nitty-gritty of the book.

Way to go Rowling, can’t believe that there wouldn’t be any more Potter books to look forward to…

P.S: This piece has been on my mind for sometime now but could manage to post it today itself.

Happy Me.. . :)

Am done for the day and thinking about what I've achieved today, I would say: zilch, nothing!! And yet, surprisingly, I had a good day...

- My boss is out of town so there is nobody to stand on my head 24/7.

- My classmate has joined my office, although a different department, so there is at least someone to go out for lunch with.

- Discovered that I had about 1000 bucks in my account. It took me out of my condition of bankruptcy (as predicted earlier, thanks Tommy!! :P) and now I wouldn’t have to use my dad's card (he wouldn’t mind though)... Yippee!! ;)

- Came across the availability of the DVDs of this 80's show called "Wonder Years". Have been looking for it since ages, a must buy.

- Got another 1500 bucks as my office took pity on my current condition and reimbursed my long stuck phone bill. (Shit, am obsessed with money, guess I've never been in this condition before, hence a lil tough, will get used to it if I keep up my rate of shopping and refusing to take dad's help!!)

- My footwear samples are due tomorrow (after a lot of bickering with the vendor): am keeping my fingers crossed though!!

This brings an end to a day well gone and now am ready for some good food and my drive back home... Cheers!!

Its all YELLOW!! ;)

My last visit to Kolkata sucked... I mean, the day I landed, I came down with high temperature and working in those humid conditions was an ordeal in itself.

However, on my way to the city from the airport, I noticed that Kolkata had a colour to it: YELLOW!! Yeh right, every 2 minutes you would encounter that brightest of hues: the cabs, billboards, buildings, buses, clothes, plastic on construction sites, even the food had this extra bit of turmeric!!

Though I couldn't click all that I would have liked to, here are a few pieces of that YELLOW evidence I spotted there...

Shadow Billboard..

Just came across this brilliant billboard by World Wildlife Federation on one of the sites I was browsing through. It demonstrates the rise of water by an extremely effective use of shadows... 'twas so cool that couldn't help but put it on my blog..

I wish...

At times I wish I weren't this practical and paid a lil more attention to what my heart said...

Freedom to be!!

Life seems so simple and complicated all at once... On one hand I know what I want but I am not sure how badly I want it. There are times when I've had a very bad day, I want to quit everything (I do have that option!!), go home, get married, have about a hundred kids, spend my husband's money and die catering to their needs, with no essence of my individuality stamped anywhere...

And then this whole idea revolts me. I am a little too selfish not to think about myself, a little too ambitious to die without achieveing anything, too individualistic to go along with someone else's beliefs and too proud to survive not on my own money!! So I choose freedom, freedom to be myself, to live life on my own terms, to enjoy it, to have no regrets when its time to say tata... Thus my stuggle continues, the fight with all the horrible days of my life and see them through, all for my FREEDOM!!

Damn temptations!! ;)

Month beginning, higher salary than the previous job and am already bankrupt!! Got tempted and bought a Tommy watch for myself and throughout the month I am going to stare at it and wait for the time to pass, the month to end... All for an expensive temptation!!
Or should I ask Dad for money...NAH!! :p

Given Up!!

Life teaches us lessons every now and then, when we least expect it to, when we think that our past is behind us and we are ready to move on…

Most of the times in my life, I’ve pretended to be a very strong person, not bothered by certain circumstances when in reality, all along I’ve been feeling like crap… I haven’t discussed these problems with anyone, believing that I did not need any form of sympathy, that my problems were but mine and mostly because they were a too private part of my being and sharing them would be unfair… However, I didn’t realize that because of this I had alienated myself, separated me from the rest… I had begun to avoid people fearing that the temptation of trusting someone would get to me…

However, after almost an year of trying to be strong, trying to make people believe that I am the cool headed one, trying to laugh at my problems, I give up!!

Now I admit that it hurts when something you’ve wanted most in life doesn’t work out, when the life you’ve imagined for yourself ceases to exist and the worst when you regret being strong only to realize that your not sharing the troubles has distanced yourself from your friends… and you find yourself all alone!!

Addicted...

Past two days have been hell for me, reason being: MY CELL PHONE IS NOT WORKING!! I mean these two days made me realize how addictive I was to technology. Yesterday my condition was like: my phone wasn’t working, my laptop had no charge and icing on the cake, there was no electricity, I couldn’t even read and so I resigned myself to the fate and I thought!! I thought about my desperation to be connected to the world somehow, I thought of the days when I didn’t possess any of these and it made no difference to my life, I thought about the previous hours I had spent running around the place to get my cell back in shape (without success obviously), I thought about how I had my parents all frantic thinking that they had not paid my bill and hence the disconnection (yes, my parents still pay my phone bills inspite of the fact that I am earning now and can very well afford to pay them, that’s my dad’s way of keeping a check on my life, smart move I must say!!) only to realize that it was not the case at all, there is a problem with the instrument…

From the above I just concluded that no matter how hard I try to console myself that I can stay without these amenities, I know that I cannot and probably never will: AM ADDICTED!!

Untitled.

About two months back, after almost a year of being home for a very long time, I moved back to a new job, new life… Things weren’t going good for me the past year and as I’ve previously mentioned, I was virtually desperate for some sort of “decorum” in my life, and after moving out, I got it.

Now I design footwear, something which I love to do. The work is pretty tedious and by the end of the day when I get back from office, I am completely deflated, have my dinner, chit-chat a bit with my flat mates and then with my friends on the phone and dose off. My parents have been awesome and even got me a car when I told them how difficult commuting was and hence things are pretty smooth for me. I go for movies, shop, go for late night drives, earn decently, have a great family, awesome friends and yet there’s this emptiness to life, something missing in this almost perfect life of mine.

There’s something that keeps nagging me, some kind of insecurity that’s gone to my head and I constantly fear losing the people I love…

I have no clue why am putting it on the blog, why I am sharing my fears with people I don’t know yet there’s some sort of pleasure unburdening myself here,on this blog and that’s the best justification I can give of putting this stuff here which would rather be in my diary…

Reading helps.

As you must have already guessed by now, I am highly influenced by what I read. The following is another such example which has proved to be quite true for me... It goes like:

God sends us the right people, exactly when we need them. At times they fulfill that momentary need and go away and at other times, they linger on and make our lives better...

Ever wondered why we end up finding that one person who can cheer us up at the gloomiest of times??

Whats smelling??

Strange as it may sound, smells leave a lasting impact on my mind and I often end up associating people and places with them. At times these fragrances are used by me or the people around but a lot of times I tend to pick them up at the most random places like the coffee shop I visit often or like that smell of green apple that just grew on me.

Basically, smells leave an enthralling effect on me and I couldn’t resist from writing about something that intrigues and fascinates my senses as they do… So here’s a short list of them that I could recollect, mostly the ones that I am conscious of…
- Fresh paint.
- Green apple candle
- Clean hands
- Infants, just after they’ve had a bath.
- Roses
- Coffee
- That tangy smell of the aftershave my dad wears.
- Soil, post rains.
- Clothes washed and dried.
- Baby Johnson’s powder
- Chocolate.
- Orange peel
- Gucci/ Lacoste

An addition of any other smells you like is welcome. Probably they would be ones I myself like but am unaware of or some new ones I’ve never kown… so feel free and add on…