Growing old..

A conversation with G on his Birthday..

Me: Hey, Happy Birthday..
G: Thanks!!
Me: So whats happening?? What’ll you be doing??
G: Nothing much, will probably go out with family..
Me: Why, what happened to A, S and the rest of your friends??
G: Thay are all busy..
Me: Hmm.. Don’t worry you treat me when I come home..
G: Sure..
Me: So who else called??
G: Nobody really, just you and R..
Me: Ohhh..
G: Tell me something Sam, why do the number of calls on your Birthday decrease as you grow older??
Me: Hmm..

It was a normal Birthday kinda conversation and then suddenly with one line it changed into something else.. I began pondering on why the number of calls gradually declined once we grew older because as you grow old, you come across more people, increase your social circle.. You make some friends and lose a few but more or less its balanced..

Couldn’t figure that one out!!

Wearing six yards something..

With my brother’s marriage approaching and I being the only unmarried/ un-engaged female in the family, get more than required attention from my parents and relatives. Right now the latest hue and cry is what I’d be wearing for the “D Day”…

After a lot of discussions, arguments and fights, the junta came to a common conclusion that a sari would be the ideal choice. I was duely called home for the weekend and taken all over the city to pick what I liked. Finally when we had all given up, we went to this last boutique where I found exactly that I wanted. It was a whitish-silverish thing that caught my attention right away.

Now the guy draped the sari on me. The end was tucked, the pleats folded and secured with a belt. The loose end was draped perfectly on my shoulder and I felt transformed. I thought I’d be all clumsy and funny, (considering the fact that I never wear a salwaar kameez, let alone a sari) but nothing like that happened. I felt more mature, more in command and unfortunately a little older too. The funny, confused kid had suddenly vanished and what I saw in the mirror was a new me.

There was a kind of adrenaline rush, a fear and I so wanted to cling on to my old self. Me, who couldn’t even carry a scarf properly and giggled at the stupidest of things was feeling all grown up. But I knew that something had changed, a change that though doesn’t come about by merely changing your clothes but probably by the way you begin to view yourself, with a different perspective, a different way..

Between them and me..

Lately I’ve been going through posts which repeatedly clarify how much the authors love their parents, friends, spouses.. No offense to them but initially I thought that it was quite sweet of them to do that but gradually when the pattern repeated itself I was forced to think otherwise. I don’t understand if they are trying to convince themselves or the world of their affection towards the loved ones..

I perceive these things in a different light altogether. For me, the people I love are taken for granted. It sounds pretty crude but then I feel all the things that are really important to us like sunshine or air are there for us all the time. We don’t get up every morning and say “thank God there’s sun today” because we know that we can rely on it to come out each day.

Likewise, I don’t tell my parents/ family/ friends how much I love them all the time because they are my family and friends and they’d better be there!! I usually let my actions do most of the talking, a big hug, a tiny peck, its usually gestures and actions for me.. Probably am not a very vocal person and don’t express myself explicitly but I know that they know and I guess that’s what eventually matters..

Anyhow, its to each his own!!

Feeling good..

Winters always remind me of books, movies, everything larger than life, everything beautiful..

I drive down to work and often find myself imagining empty roads, good music and that beautiful white mist all around..Or when the work gets too hectic and life a little too confusing, I picture myself all curled up in a bean bag with a good book and hot tea..Walking down the road on a chilly morning with breeze on the face..thinking a zillion times before pouring that mug of water on my head..that hot water bottle on my feet..that accentuated smell of flowers in my room..

Winters do this to me..they rejuvenate me, make me happy about life and give me the strength to believe in the phrase: "All will be good"..

WINTERS..

Of wanting to end it on a happy note..

An end of another year,
..of memories, happiness and some regrets too..

A new begginning,
..hopefully to a great future!!

P.S: Happy New Year to all!! :)

Vanished..

They were disappearing one by one..
Till the last of them vanished..

A clue to give in..
A clue to not look back and be sad,
But cherish what there ever was..

And yet there is hope..

Wishing I could do more..

I work as a buyer for one of the biggest footwear firms in the country. The enormity of the above sentence struck me on my last visit to Kolkata. I, for the first time realized the power I held and how the fate of a few hundreds depended upon the decisions I took, the mistakes I committed and the feeling was far from making me feel good!!

I work with a wide array of businessmen, some who have been into shoe making for years and yet others who’ve just begun. They have invested so much of themselves into it, both financially and emotionally and it breaks my heart when I have to cancel orders, reject supplies, and basically do all the dirty work…

I met this young man who has been trying very hard to work things out with us, giving us the best prices possible, sampling footwear for us like crazy but unfortunately he goofed up in production and we had to stop it. It was so disheartening to see his factory almost empty and being the one responsible for its state, even to an extent..

Another is this old guy who has been working with us for past 28 years and does the basic, low priced chappals. I went to meet him and he told me how for the first time in all these years his factory has been shut down due to lack of work. I felt like burying myself right there but at times you are nothing but helpless. I can’t buy products which are not selling so I decide to give them new designs, get them developed and pray that they will sell, both for them and for my conscience sake..

Now I fully understand the meaning of the phrase “with power comes responsibility” and I don’t like the sound of any of it!!

Funsake..

You are a Brainy Girl!

Whether you're an official student or a casual learner, you enjoy hitting the books. You know a little bit about everything, and you're always dying to know more. For a guy to win your heart, he's got to share some of your intellectual interests. A awesome book collection of his own doesn't hurt either!

You Are a Coy Flirt!

You're not so much a flirt as the type of girl who draws flirts in While you look like you're just relaxing, secretly you've got your game on A little look here, a little wink there... you give men the encouragement they crave And in return, they flirt up a storm with you - while you just sit and smile

Your Travel Personality Is: The Adventurer

For you, travel is how you learn about the world. And you like to learn the stuff that's not in guidebooks. You truly have wanderlust. When you're not traveling, you're dreaming about where you'll go next. And your travels are truly legendary - they leave you with stories you'll be telling for the rest of your life!

You are White Chocolate

You are White Chocolate You are sweet, caring, and truly very innocent.Whether your naive ways are a bit of act or not, people like to take care of you. You are a quiet flirt, and your power is often underestimated!

Time passing at: www.blogthings.com

And thats how its done.

Took up this one from J ...on discovering, tagging, blogging, commenting... Don't know how many tags I've done until now but anyways, here it goes:

BLOGGING: Was introduced to it by a friend about an year ago and when I begin to reason why I blog, am left with the following answers:
- I began because I wanted to maintain that standard of English (though there's not much to "maintain") for I believe that by stopping to write, one forgets the appropriate words to express themselves.
- I love to write; find it easier penning my thoughts on paper, reasoning out things than talking it out.
- Reading what others think about issues, getting various perspectives, learning new things fascinates me.
- After being here, I've realised that certain emotions I feel are not mine alone and that I got company!! :)
- Met some amazing people here to whose writings I always look forward to...

DISCOVERY: Refer to "blogging", pretty much covers it all..

COMMENTING: I love to read, be it about an issue, something funny, anything arbit, basically anything at all. And on reading, if I like it or I don't like it, I choose to speak out..

Am done with another tag and it just hit me that my tags are beginning to make just a little sense after all..

The tag's passed on to anyone who chooses to take it.

A random discussion, a funny discovery..

This conversation with a male friend of mine began with the usual topic: girls!! He was telling me how these nice, intelligent females were all taken by the so called “studds”, forcing me to bully him saying that why didn’t he get one then… he was in a confessional mood and admitted that these dudes were a class apart. Basically they were par excellence at everything: academically, socially, sports, theatre, you just had to name it.

My comment that such people, through extremely intelligent often saw professional failures made me realize a thing or two in the due course. Reasoning began: the logic behind the theory was that such people, wherever they went, found the work, the place and the people below their standards (no fault of theirs!!). Being of a much higher I.Q, the scope of learning and growth were limited compared to us mere mortals who struggle each day even for the completion of the smallest tasks and felt great sense of achievement when our boss appreciates it.

This friend contributed too. He told me that with him in IIT, there was this guy, an all India JEE high ranker, in short BRILLIANT!! Post college, he appeared for CATs and the only preparation done by him was to fill his form. Success again: he got through all the IIMs and chose Bangalore. This gentleman then interned at one of the most reputable finance firms in the world and was given a job offer; he declined it and joined a consultancy firm only to quit in the coming four months. The dude has been sitting idle for past year and a half!!

For the first time in my life I realize that I’m blessed with lesser I.Q. At times, it takes ages for me to understand things, I goof up, make a zillion mistakes and ask even more questions but I work hard and learn and appreciate a day well gone after that tiny pat on my back from my boss…

The BIG deal about getting married..

Being off age and obviously being surrounded by people of the similar age bracket, a lot of my friends/ relatives are getting fixed for marriage. And man, the moment they realize that soon the knot will be tied, they begin to behave strangely. Here are a few examples of the temporary lapse of mental abilities I’ve noticed in people:

- A friend of mine began drinking every evening and smoking heavily. Once upon a time, he was a sane fellow and resorted to stuff once in a while.

- This girl friend I have did smoke earlier on but quit. She said that soon she’ll be married and have a family and smoking would not be good for it all and I so respected her for behaving so mature. A month ago she got fixed and since then has been smoking everyday, says soon she’ll be married and won’t be able to do it anymore. What was the point quitting anyways??

- Another relative who’ll soon be in-the-loop is an example I must put here. During college, this bloke was into smoking, drinking, wrong company and ate non vegetarian food, infact loved it (I DO NOT see any harm in that, so all the carnivores, no offense intended, just read on!!). Then he suddenly grew up when he moved out of town (another classic, people “get into” such stuff after leaving home) and quit everything to the point of stop eating even egg. He got into yoga, meditation, even fasting once a week. To present: he’s slowly getting back to it all!!

I’ve begun to wonder what actually does happen to people?? Are they happy/ sad or scared of the prospect and if any of the latter two, why go for it until you aren’t ready… I’ve heard that the prospect of losing their freedom freaks them out and if I begin to think on those lines, I wouldn’t get married ever because not being free scares the shit out of me. I wonder does it actually happen that you get bound post marriage or does it become a taboo to have fun?

But the question that on top of my mind is : “Will I too become paranoid and indulge into idiotic things when it happens to me??

Happens..

And then it all comes back,
The times shared,
Moments spent,
Life lived...

And you relive it all in your head and wish...

Of questions,answers and confusions too...

Yesterday after the shoeline presentation, which surprisingly went pretty well, we attended this seminar called “How to gain Self Confidence- Amazing Secrets to boost your Confidence” by an outside speaker Mr. Rajiv Mathur.

He began the session with a prayer and requested us all to close our eyes and kind of meditate (which by the way I didn’t do). Being primarily a session aimed at motivating marketing personnel, the talk revolved around those areas. The topics mainly discussed were Self Growth, Positive thinking and Risk Taking and having heard the same for a zillion times and not belonging to the marketing division, the discussion failed to impress me much. However, being the only female in a crowd of forty did not give me that privilege of not concentrating as the speaker’s and my bosses eyes often sought mine amidst any discussion.

Although I give due credit to the presenter, the session was a drag. One of a very senior person in my office and few of the people I actually respect, Mr. Anant Ranjan’s contribution was however impossible to ignore. Two of the things he said were:

- While discussing why our company was not performing as well in contrast to others, inspite of having the biggest infrastructure, distribution and networking in India, Mr. Ranjan said “ours is like Gulliver (from Gulliver’s Travels) and these small firms have tied us down. Now its upto us to realize our strengths, break those shackles and rise again.” Funnily enough I quite liked the comparison and remember it in that state of semi consciousness.

- Another input by him while discussing how to bring out that hidden potential in an employee was “a job either brings out the BEST or the BEAST in you, the difference is just of an ‘A’”.

I thankfully left the conference mid-way inspite of his superb comments but there are a few things that I gathered from it. I understood that though I did like what Mr. Ranjan said but at times you cannot figure out why. Am in process of finding that answer for myself…

The irony of it all!!

People change...
Feelings change...
But surprisingly enough, the words remain the same!!

Issues...

- 7:00 am every morning: The alarm buzzes and I get up from my warm bed, put it off and go back to sleep…

- 8:00 am: The maid knocks the door; I open it and crawl back into my bed for that 5 minute, ever precious sleep.

- 8:10 am: I get up with a jolt, realize that those five minutes have stretched upto ten and I really really need to rush to be in the office at 9:00 am.

- 8:55 am: 5 minutes to go and am tying my shoe laces, shoving my breakfast of fruit into a paper bag and giving instructions to my maid, all simultaneously!!

- 9:00 am: Am in my car and driving like a woman possessed who’s trying to break some kind of record of commuting from DLF to the Bata building, with the heavy morning traffic and the metro work in progress, in 7 minutes flat. And yay!! I do it every time…

- 8:30 pm: Am still at work and trying to figure out how would I ever manage to buy that pair of jeans I so desperately need (have been wearing this one for almost two weeks now, with one in laundry and the other one LOST!! plus umpteen whose fit I don’t like anymore... sigh...)

- 8:35 pm: Realise that I just have to get that jeans, it’s a question of life and death now and I simply cannot wear this anymore. Again my drive takes me to the malls.

- 8:45 pm: Am soo lucky!! The Levis store is open and I manage to grab a pair only to realize that I fit into one size larger than the one am wearing. Hell freezes and I complain to the salesman; he gives me crap like it’s a slim fit and hence the size variation. Although its some consolation but then, what crap!! Give me the fit I already wear but phuleese make me fit into the previous size… I decide to go on a diet. Period.

-9:15 pm: My flatmate joins me and we happily go to the food court and hog on the oohhh so delicious pasta.

Back to point 1: Did any of you try wondering why the hell do I set my alarm for 7.00 am everyday when I have to get up only after 8:00?? Well, every single evening, post dinner I realize how much weight I’ve put on and pledge to go for a run in the morning. But then those sleep devils coax me into that just-a-five-minute sleep and I happily give in to the temptation: yet again!!

Tags and some more..

Well, here I take a tag again to fill that blog vaccum... Somehow lately I haven't been able to think of anything worthy enough of a post so the tag shall have to do. I was tagged by Memyself_n_I and here it goes:

-Pick out a scar you have, and explain how you got it:I have a tiny scar just above my right eye, got it as a child while playing don't know what.

- What does your phone look like? My phone, well I use a Reliance so don't have much of a choice... Got a Nokia 6265 and now I don't even know why I invested into such an expensive cellphone (according to my standards), hardly use any of its functions!! :(

- What is on the walls of your bedroom? Well nothing at all, I am a minimalist. ;)

- What is your current desktop picture? You all know whats on my PC at work, my laptop has this picture of my best friend and me in Goa!! :D

Will this ever end?? Whewww...

- Do you believe in gay marriage? Totally, its absolutely individual and I respect it.

- What do you want more than anything right now? Leave my current job...just run away!!

- Are your parents still together? Yes.

- Last person who made you cry? Some jerk I don't even want to mention here.

- What is your favorite perfume/cologne? Gucci/ Lacoste

- What are you listening to? Nothing, my office doesn't permit people enjoying their work, though am humming Lemon Tree.. :)

Why am I writing this?? Does it make any difference at all??

- Do you get scared of the dark? Nope, not at all, woudn't survive in Gurgaon otherwise..

- Do you like pain killers? Whaaaa?? Who began this tag anyways?

- If you could eat anything right now, what would it be? Nothing, just had a chocolate, all to myself.. ;)

- Who was the last person who made you mad? This colleague of mine who has a major attitude problem.

- Who was the last person who made you smile? Am mad, at times I smile for no obvious reasons, but well, here I'll give it to S.

- Is someone in love with you? Yep..think so.. ;)

Yay!! I did it!! And now it my turn to do the honours. So the tag goes to Sangfroid, Adi Crazy, Ani and Sreejith plus whoever wants to take it up..Till then!! :)

My feel good factors.

- Reading a good book with a hot chai during rains.
- Driving back home from work after a particulary hectic day...good music, empty roads.
- Hanging out with friends and laughing your lungs out for no apparent reason.
- Having a heart to heart with an old friend after a long time.
- My family laughing at the of stupidest jokes I crack...
- Eating good food at a nice, quiet place, surrounded by people you want to be with.
- Feeling the sun on your face on a cold, winter morning..
- The spitter splatter of rains...
- Being nasty and getting away with things that my male friends can't, just by giving your best smile.
- Those very brief crushes..
- Getting up in the morning, being all ready for work and then bunking it, just for a two hour sleep!!
- Watching my niece and nephews grow up.
- Coming across an old mail, note with memories attached to them..
- Getting goose bumps on watching a very romantic movie.
- Discussing good old college days.
- Freedom...

Am sad... :'(

N moved out today,
Hadn't realised till now how important she was,
Already missing her lots!! :(

The Ball Syndrome!!

Being in the work scene for three years now, I had just heard about female exploitation, but now being on the receiving end, I exactly know what its like…

I am sooo mad at people here!! A series of events in my office made me witness what I just saw in movies or heard from other people. How the “weaker gender” used their feminism to rise at work… Mine is an MNC and primarily comprises of middle-aged men in their late 40s, staying away from home while the top management constitutes of foreigners, again away from their families. Being on the top level plus being a ‘firang” gives them that added advantage of getting away with things on the pretext of being liberal, unlike us Indians…

The first incident happened at this meeting where we presented our collection to one of the senior guys. He is an Italian guy in his late 40s or 50s. He made this female stand on the display table before about thirty people saying that he wanted to see the look of a particular footwear design on the feet. The female was more than happy to oblige and get all the attention even with people passing remarks and spreading their arms and asking her to fall, she was all smiling and laughing… Was that attitude alright or am I the only one who’s seeing things out of proportion??

A few days ago, in another meeting, I took a step behind to give this senior guy space to walk. By chance my shoulder just brushes mildly to the rack behind, “not hurting” me at all. That a****** has the audacity to rub my shoulder…It’s a probability that he’d have thought that I might have hurt myself, but I believe that every girl recognizes a touch, the intention behind it and I felt disgusted. All I could do was shrug his hand and give him the coldest, dirtiest look possible…

Towards the end of it, I am confused. I don’t know whether its the men who suffer from the so called “ball syndrome” to be blamed or the females who do let them take that kind of advantage.. But one thing is for sure, its soon going to be bye-bye time for me (hopefully)!!

Soulmates...

Long time ago I had this discussion with a friend about the concept of "Soulmates"... Although I am not a very romantic person but somewhere I do believe in it, I do believe that once in your lifetime you do find a person whose perfect for you, with all his/her imperfections...

It may be your friend or the one you love or even a person you barely know but you find that strange connection with him/her which exists with nobody else. You find yourself drawn to that person, you may love him or even hate him, you may or may not get to be with him but the connection is almost tangible...the pain of being away unexplainable.

You may not be in touch with that someone for ages, infact never be able to talk at all but the bond exists, in your heart, in your mind...and suprisingly, even that seems enough...